das leben undsoweiter

life as it goes. life as it flows. sitting in the sun. leaving to graz. busy? a bit maybe not really i don t know. feelings? some. early in the morning? definetly. what is there to do in life? what is there to make of life?

trust.feelings.me

not quite drunk yet. maybe on the way. somehow seems a good idea to post. to express what is inside. a golden prince. in my life. since quite some time actually. but it feels very fresh. a lot of thoughts and ideas and boxes. i try to keep them out. it is hard.
how weird that my life now is so much about him. even though a month ago i didnt even want to admit that i liked him. feelings. they are called feelings cause u feel them. otherwise they would be thoughts. still surprised how quickly they come. are they made to stay? i dont know. i dont want to know. i trust life. i trust myself. i trust us. i trust everyone i know.

poland

decisions. fun. courage. spontanious. letting go. not letting go. infection. again. shit. angry. wrong and right and wrong and right and wrong and right. fixed pictures and expectations. lots of trouble. in myself. no ease. I want it easy. Please.
what it is no one knows.

note to myself

is there a correlation between getting drunk and posting on that blog.

princess

memememeemme. again. its all about me.
life is getting better every day. the semester is over. a whole month of no worries about university. many new to do lists to write. many fun things to do.
- dress up as a princess and hand out eatable frogs to everyone on the streets.
- knit a sock (will be hard enough, we ll see if i manage a second one)
- think about life long learning, self directed learning, individual learning process and many more things that sound already complicated and somehow are or not and well... all very confusing

anna blume. my nickname. my name. part of my reality. it is strange, something that has been sort of a base of my identity doesnt seem to be that important anymore. i mean, i am not running around screaming my name anymore. somehow that time is over. probably also cause i have been throwing away all the unnecessary things i seem to keep collecting. like 7pairs of jeans which make me look awful. 4 pairs of shoes which hurt my feet. tshirts which were never cool, not even in the 80s.

so, it s a new day. a new life. and i started it with getting amazingly drunk last night and looking for my golden prince today. soon i traded the golden prince for an aspirin, cause that was more what i really needed.

i am living a fairytail. am i?

surreal.very surreal

what do i want? what do i need? i dont know!

Sweden was great, sitting in the car, stopping at a red light, jumping out, running around the car till it turns green, then jump in again.
important unnecessary information about sweden. prata med mig.

walking home, asking some guy to take me with him on the bike. bringing him home. drinking wine. snogging. how many times do you get driven home at four o clock at night from a complete stranger.

long talk with F., a lot of competition going on. good to adress the problematic points.

not so much longer till christmas. doesnt feel like it.

am i too proud. maybe. too much showing my life. and what i have achieved. probably cause i am not sure about it really. am i, should i be proud? it all just came to me, sort of.

not sure, looking for direction. shows also on the amount of times i got drunk the last few weeks.

NOT SURE

but then again, many things to work out.

life wrote me a post it. "Get busy taking time for yourself"

bläh.bläh.bläh

ok, i am over the phase, where i feel sorry for myself, cause i was very drunk some nights ago.
next step.
where did all this conflict come from? inside and outside and inbetween and everywhere. Where did all the harmony go? Never would have said about myself that I need harmony, but apparently I do. And I am also not very good at managing conflicts at the moment. They sort of come over me, and I am more an passive object just flowing on the sublte emotions. And I am not very keen on that.
But, I have to admit. Wonderful sunday.

-walking aroun with eva, who wore a yellow hat, I wore a blue one
- going to an exhebition about angels in vienna
- visiting Zentralfriedhof (which I wanted to do ever since I moved here)
- eating typical Austrian food
- pretending to be a family with children and doing exactly the things I would do, if I was in that situation
- not questioning my future for once

so, not so bad all together. I just dont know where this strange unsatisfied notion inside myself comes from. Very strange.
But okay. new week. new chance. changes.
at least i am over the fact that in a situation like this i would cut my hair. am I?
BLÄH, LIFE THIS IS FOR YOU, BLÄH.